Being Married to a Pastor: The Good & Bad

A Guest Post by Becky Weber

The church has been part of my life since I was born. I grew up as a pastor's kid.  It's all I've ever known. When it came to getting married, I swore I would never marry a pastor. Well, I did. We got married and the very next day we moved across the country so he could start seminary.When it comes to being married to a pastor, there have been things I've enjoyed and other things I wish I didn't have to deal with. I wanted to share a couple of those things based on my experience.3 things I have loved:

1. Front Row Seat. It is amazing to look back and see all the Lord has done in and through the church. Lives changed, needs met, and things happening that we can only attribute to the Lord moving. Being in the position I am, I love just sitting back and watching it all unfold—thanking Jesus for what he has done. Looking ahead, I can't wait to see what's yet to come.

   Being in the position I am, I love just sitting back and watching it all unfold—thanking Jesus for what he has done.

2. Freedom to be me. There have been no expectations of me from our church, except the same expectations that everyone has: I can be me. This has been such a blessing. I know it's not always the same way for others. For some reason, especially for pastors’ wives, we can get put into a box. We might be expected to be good at music, or children's ministry. I, unfortunately, am not gifted at either. However, I do love to minister to other women. I'm passionate about leading groups and seeing other women grow in their relationship with Jesus. Just like my husband, I want to be used by God!
3. Support from the Body. Our church body has been so supportive of our family. Whether through prayer, friendships, meals, notes, gifts of time or talent, we have felt cared for. The church isn’t a job that my husband has, it’s our family, our closest friends. I only wish everyone could experience being part of a church family.

   The church isn’t a job that my husband has, it’s our family, our closest friends.

3 things I have found difficult:

1. Stress on my husband. It is hard to see my husband go through trying times. The demands on a pastor can be high. It is hard to meet the needs of everyone in a church, especially as it grows. At times it feels like he’s under a microscope. I remind him often that he is not Jesus. We have had to learn how to say no to certain things, and hope for understanding. Burnout can happen easily if you don't take care of yourself. My husband’s been there. Healthy boundaries have been an important thing we have had to learn.

   The demands on a pastor can be high. It is hard to meet the needs of everyone in a church. I remind him often that he is not Jesus.

2. Gossip inside the church. It's hard to hear individuals verbally tear apart the church and others in it. Thankfully it happens very little at our church. More than anyone, I know that it is not a perfect place (no church is), but it seems like some expect it to be. It is made up of imperfect individuals relying on the grace of Jesus. The church and everything about it was not made to cater to our preferences. It was never about us, and we shouldn't make it that way. The church should always be about Jesus.

   The church and everything about it was not made to cater to our preferences. It was never about us. The church should always be about Jesus.

3. Loneliness. It can be lonely at times. I can't say that I don't have friends, I do. But there can be something about this role that seems to make people stay a comfortable distance away. I long for close friendships, but in the same breath can't have them with everyone (especially being an introvert). I struggle to put myself out there, wondering if I will be accepted. Being a single parent on Sundays makes it challenging to meet new people as well.

In all my experiences with our church, I love it. I wouldn’t change anything. Even when life has been difficult, it has helped me grow into who I am now. And over the years, I have become better prepared to handle what comes our way. I have learned that Jesus is my strength, worth, and hope. And because of him, it is all worth it. 

Becky is a Christ follower, wife to a pastor (Adam), and mom of four kids. She enjoys cooking, running, shopping, talking with good friends, and spending time with her husband and kids. She desires to live a life that would be pleasing to the Lord, and be who he created her to be. Becky strives to be a person that is real, and can be easily related to. She has a heart (especially for women) to be an example to others of living a genuine life, imperfections and all.